How Christ has touched my Christmas

I have felt so blessed this Christmas, and tonight I feel the spirit of Christ particularly sweetly.  Here are the ways that I have seen Christ touch my Christmas season.

Christ left his Father when he came to earth, but he was welcomed by a new family.

This was my first Christmas away from home (other than the mission, where it couldn't be avoided).  I was pretty nervous about missing out on all of the family traditions that we have.  I would miss having almost my entire family together.  I have always been the one to bring out the Christmas decorations and make sure the tree gets decorated.  I love the games, movies, conversations, and food.  We do a talent show and read the nativity on Christmas Eve, play basketball, and a handful of other holiday traditions.  I came home crying the night that I had dropped my sister off at the airport, because I was picturing all the family arriving at my parents' home, and I wouldn't be there.

But Christ touched my Christmas through my loving husband and his wonderful family.  When I got home that day crying, my husband had cleaned the kitchen and was waiting with a warm hug and a reminded me how much he loved me.  His family has always welcomed me with open arms, and I forgot my homesickness on Christmas Eve and Christmas as I was invited into new holiday traditions of a white elephant gift exchange, Mexican food (always my favorite), and Rummy (pride came before the fall for me in that one, among other things.

Christ touched my Christmas by opening my heart to love and be loved by even more family.


Christ gave and received.

Christ gave us the most wonderful gift of all with the Atonement--which is in its beauty the gifts of peace, joy, love, and every good thing.  As a child, Jesus also received the gift of life through Mary, frankincense, myrrh, and gold from the wise men, and the gifts of obedience and love from each of his disciples.

I did give a few small gifts this Christmas, and I felt good doing so.  I love when I can add some small pleasure to someone else's life.  I also received several gifts from friends and family.  I feel so grateful to have these people around me.  But I felt Christ's love with one gift especially.

A few weeks ago, I was searching for a paper of some kind, and I found a stash of money in one of our drawers.  I figured that we had never gotten around to depositing it after the wedding.  When I mentioned it to Eliott, I eventually found out that he had hidden it on purpose.  He was saving it there so that for Christmas, he could get me a piano keyboard.  He knew that I would love it, and since it would be a more expensive gift, he had been planning for months to get it.  He was researching the best kinds, and debating about how to surprise me.

I felt so loved and known.  Christ touched my Christmas by showing me the beauty of both giving and receiving.  I only hope that I can give as much as I have received from so many this year.


Christ was surrounded by a support group...including family, shepherds, wise men, and angels.

My friends make me so happy.  I love spending time with them.  They are my support network, and this Christmas, one night in particular stood out.  I was really hoping for something Christmas-y to do some night, and Gretzel went with me to the Festival of Lights.  I loved the Christmas lights and Christmas spirit that I felt, and I think that will be a special memory that I have with Greta for a long time!  She is so fun to be around and so easy to talk to.  It was just what I needed that night.


Christ showed that humble moments can be at the same time the sacred and special ones.

Christ came into the world in a manger.  We had a woman visit our apartment with her newborn, and when she was gone I was left thinking of how she must have all the sleepless nights, exhaustion, but also the joy that mothers experience.  I thought of how even Jesus probably woke Mary and Joseph up all night, but that he also brought a peaceful and perfect spirit to their lives.

I can't even begin to tell every moment that I had this Christmas season that touched my life.  I have had worried moments, stressful ones, angry, scared, sick, and bored ones.  But those moments have been inseparably connected to the moments of connection, satisfaction, relief, forgiveness, humility, gratitude, and love.  I am grateful for the quiet moments that I have had in prayer and in spiritual study, for the serious and light-hearted conversations with friends and family, the love I have felt, and the ways in which I have grown.



God bless us, every one.

Hormones and (Future) Hubby

A tiny little stick in my arm is sending emotional messages bouncing off the walls of my body.

For those of you that don't know (I highly doubt that will be the case, seeing as my roommates read this blog and not that many others), I am engaged to be married.  Hands-down, this is the best feeling of my life.  Or was.  No, it still is.  But now, added to the joys of engagement and all the wedding planning is....the joys of birth control.

It might be weird to talk about birth control on a blog, but...as I said above...my roommates read this.

So I chose to go with Nexplanon birth control, which is a little stick the size of a match that they slide creepily under the skin of my inner left arm, below my armpit.  I can feel it just under the surface and that's a weird feeling.

Lisa joked about it reminding her of people that get mind-controlled with those kinds of injections.  We laughed but to be honest, it almost seems as if that were the case.  It is like a demon has taken possession of my body.

They warn you that you can get side-effects like weakness, change of appetite, moodiness or depression, nausea, etc, etc, etc times one thousand.

I thought that I was immune to those effects because, well, I'm awesome.

Coincidentally, though, in the few days after I get this device implanted in my arm, I begin to get moody.  Like, really.  I get mad at my dearly beloved fiancee over NOTHINGS.  He found it funny at first and then confusing.  (Side note, he is now VERY excited for my pregnant mood swings......)

It got to the point where I had calmed down and got a good sleep.  I felt very sane in the morning.  I was at peace with myself and the world.  I didn't even freak out when my dearly beloved fiancee asked tentatively IF I THOUGHT MY MOODINESS WAS A RESULT OF THE BIRTH CONTROL.

**Here is the thing.  It's different for everyone.  But when I am hormonally moody, the WORST thing you ask is if it is because I'm hormonal.  I mean, I feel like that's just asking, "So are your feelings fake and do I not have to take them seriously?"  Eliott says that it's more like asking, "Should I be extra nice to you and also are your feelings fake so I do not have to take them seriously?"  Since I am hormonally sober right now, I find that funny.  If I were under the hormonal influence, I would not be amused.

Anyway.  I was mad.  I was hungry for everything and nothing.  I cried for hours for no reason.  I sobbed over my books.  I spent an hour in Smith's trying to find food I wanted for ONE meal.  I couldn't concentrate on work.  I was tired and lightheaded.

But hey--a little drama can be a good thing :)

Let's hear it for the MEN.

So in one of my classes this week, the discussion turned to how men are not valued in today's world.  In the statistics, women have higher GPAs, higher abilities in the work world even if their salaries still are lower.  Women are more sensitive, better at communication, blah blah etc.  Basically the idea that men are obsolete and a strong woman is better off without one.

I think it is GREAT that we are empowering women and lifting them up.  Women are incredible.  (Especially my mother!)  If society is telling women that they are capable of achieving great things--including those wonderful little achievements reached every day in the home, unknown to the rest of the world--then we are progressing and let's not stop.

But can I just say MEN ARE AMAZING.  Too.  Men are amazing too.  (Especially my dad!)  People are amazing.  There's no competition between men and women, we are all a team.  Men and women both are on the quest to improve, to be intelligent, kind, loving, successful.  We all are looking to feel accepted and appreciated.  So let's be careful when we see the foibles of someone and we give that exasperated sigh, shake our heads, and mutter, "Men."  "Women are crazy."  "Men are dumb."  No!  Men and women are human, and as humans we each have our own personality and flaws.  When we to learn give each other the benefit of the doubt and try to always think the best of each other, our society will go far.

So you men and us women, don't worry.  There may be some unfortunate comments, incidents, mindsets that are still out there.  I'm not saying they aren't.  But women, we respect you.  Men, we respect you.  We appreciate you.  You're great.  We need you.  We love that you are our friends and husbands and fathers and brothers and coworkers.  And when you make mistakes just like every other human being on the planet, we love you.

Soul Roots

After a long respite from posting, I am revitalizing my blog.  Little did I know on the day that I last posted that the next May 29th would bring me to the Provo Missionary Training Center!  Less than two months from today, I will begin wearing a name tag that says "Hermana" on it, and after my six weeks of language training, I'll be making the long and arduous journey (two hours in a comfortable car) to Ogden, Utah, which will be my home for a leetle while.

This year of school (which will be over in three weeks!) has been a kind of quiet adventure.  Making the decision to serve a mission after the general conference announcement was huge and exciting, and will bring great adventures over the next year and a half.  Just as influential, though, have been the little Adventures called Friendships.  The best thing about friendships is that they never stand still; just like every human being is perpetually changing and developing, relationships between people are always moving, deepening or fading, living.

One of the best feelings in the world is that moment after you really talk with someone or really laugh with them or really see them for the first time (or for the first time--again), and you leave them and your heart is yelling to your mind, "Hey!  I just grew a little soul root because of them!"  I've felt that "soul-root effect" again and again as I nannied last summer--when the little boy smiled so happily when I came in to pick him of from his nap, when he tried to read me a book and sang the lullaby just like I sing it, when the girl laughed when I finally "found" her under the pile of pillows.

I've felt it at chance encounters with different people in my ward or classes, when I took the time to have a real conversation with them on the walk to campus or church and discovered that this stranger was actually a kindred spirit.  When someone else goes to kiss their hand and slap the ceiling of the car when they go through a yellow light at the same time as I do, or when someone plays "Slug Bug."  When letters come from friends that are serving as faithful missionaries.  Every time I talk to my mom or dad or one of my brothers or sisters.  When my baby nephew sleeps with his head on my chest, and when my niece climbs onto my lap while I'm doing homework and smiles and laughs when I first see her in the morning.

Something that I've experienced and noticed more this year is that when I'm trying to live the gospel of Jesus Christ--reading the Book of Mormon and other scriptures, praying often, trying to serve, going with an open heart to church, having faith, repenting--the first and strongest feelings that come are gratitude and love for God and for all of the people I see and have relationships with.

I know that so many of the people for whom I've grown "soul-roots" don't know, don't particularly care, don't remember me, or think I don't remember them.  I think one of my dearest hopes is that somewhere, there is someone who has felt the same grateful joy from knowing me as I have felt from knowing so many people.  And there have been so very many beautiful people in my life, from my mom and dad to my best friends through the years, to the random dad that cheered the loudest and best for every cross country runner and to the little old woman that couldn't see and thought that I was a boy when I wore my hair back in a ponytail.

And the best part is, it never has to end!  Life is a beautiful thing.  Frances Hodson Burnett says wonderfully:

One of the strange things about living in the world is that it is only now and then one is quite sure one is going to live forever and ever and ever. One knows it sometimes when one gets up at the tender solemn dawn-time and goes out and stands alone and throws one's head far back and looks up and up and watches the pale sky slowly changing and flushing and marvelous unknown things happening until the East almost makes one cry out and one's heart stands still at the strange unchanging majesty of the rising of the sun--which has been happening every morning for thousands and thousands and thousands of years. One knows it then for a moment or so. And one knows it sometimes when one stands by oneself in a wood at sunset and the mysterious deep gold stillness slanting through and under the branches seems to be saying slowly again and again something one cannot quite hear, however much one tries. Then sometimes the immense quiet of the dark blue at night with millions of stars waiting and watching makes one sure; and sometimes a sound of far-off music makes it true; and sometimes a look in some one's eyes.
        The Secret Garden

There are a lot of things in the world that cause people to wonder if life really is that beautiful.  The only thing that can always bring a conviction of beauty is trust and love in God.

Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God. 

Ether 12:4, The Book of Mormon

Who can help but smile?

popsicle jokes are funny

Blog post blog post blog post blog post.  (Somewhere in there, did you switch from thinking "blog post" to "post blog"?)

At school, I felt like I had a lot of funny stories to tell.  Here, I'm spending a lot of time at home and most of the humor comes from the flagrant wittiness of my family.  But those things are pretty much all "You had to be there" stories, so I'm not going to share them.  If you want to partake of the humor, come to our house.

OH, one story.  My parents were out of town for a few days, and Jeffrey had been sick and home from school.  Every night he would start to feel better, and then he would feel sick the next morning.  Conveniently, he got all the way better around two hours after school got out for the weekend!  Fancy that.  In his defense, I think Jeff truly thought he felt sick.  But things that we dread doing (such as attending a day of 7th grade in the middle of May) have the tendency of making hypochondriacs of us all.

Reading this book on introverts right now.  It explains a lot and satiates my egotistical desire to read about myself.

Worked in nursery for two Sundays.  Love the little buggers.

Victor Hugo is great.

The Once Upon a Time finale was decidedly not great.  But that's perfect for a finale, if you think about it--it makes it a lot easier to accept not seeing new episodes in the following months.  Except, really, it was kind of horrible.  It's making me angry to think about it.

seriously, there's an open study room right behind me...please take it, because your PDA is disconcerting

Announcement 1:
I reactivated my Facebook account.  Hm.

Announcement 2:
I'm engaged.
Clarification: I'm not.  I am, however, wearing my ring on my left ring finger, partially because it was starting to leave one of those weird green lines on my left middle finger, partly because it was hot out today and so my middle finger was an itty bit swollen, partly so I can just get a mischievous sort of joy from thinking that creepily observant people with me here in the library will think that I'm engaged.  Suckers.

Announcement 3:
I am currently on my laptop at a table in the honors reading room in the library.  There is a couple that is stealing kisses and nuzzling noses constantly.  But it's like...not cute.  I don't know whether I want to vomit or laugh more, so I chose option three, which was show no outward emotion but write about it here.  In fact, I only started this blog post in order to relieve my emotions concerning this incident.

Story 1:
Last week, I got lost on my way to class.  It was in the same classroom as usual.

Story 2:
I sometimes have trouble getting my room key into the keyhole.  The other day, I didn't really get the unlocking part down, but I was in the flow of "unlock, walk in."  So I accidentally just walked my face right into the door.  Tip: Always complete step one before continuing on to step two.

Announcement 4:
I officially am majoring in elementary education!  Kids, get at meh.

such and such and back again

Story of What Happened Today
I deactivated my Facebook account today.
Then I wanted to tell people about it so I went to make a Facebook status.
...oh.

Story of Finding My Dream Husband (Not particularly humorous but still particularly golden)
Okay, this is not a love story.  But kind of.  I met this older man (WAIT before you get uncomfortable) yesterday morning.  In the Anne of Green Gables series, Anne calls especially wonderful people "kindred spirits" or she says that they are of the race of Joseph.  This man was as kindred-y and spirit-y and race-of-Joseph-y as a person could get.  I actually wrote down our conversation word for word after he left.

Most important point: He said that every day was the best day in the history of the world, and the reason was that he was married to his wife for another more day.  My heart MELTED.  How great is that?!  He loves his wife so much that he can't go two minutes without talking about her to a perfect stranger.  This is why that man represents my dream husband.  Maybe my husband will have a different way of showing it than my new friend Bob, but he's sure going to love me that much and you can bet I'm going to love him that much right back.

Story of How I Am Gullible
Yes.  I am.  Very.  When people tell me that "gullible" is written on the ceiling, I just HAVE to look, because it's probably not but what if it is??  Forreals, what if you missed out on the one time that "gullible" really was there.  (Look up, because "gullible" is written on your ceiling...like, I just had to look at my own ceiling.)  Incidentally, "gullible" really is written in chalk on the ceiling of the tunnel that leads from Hinckley to the RB.  Look next time.

So, today's gullibility story.  I got two glasses of milk and I thought that I filled them, but when I looked half an hour later (no one had taken a drink from them), I SWEAR the milk level was lower.  And this is the second time I've noticed this happening.  I told my friend and said it was probably just the frothy bubbles disappearing, but then he explained otherwise.

He said that milk condenses when it sits, so the milk level really did get lower.  And he said that if i shook up my cup a little bit, the molecules would spread out and I'd have a full glass again.

If anyone ever tells you that if you shake up a non-carbonated drink, then it swells up somehow--don't believe them.  Trust me.